


i want to keep swimming

by cute_lil_fluff



Series: ot4 pu: channie [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15763704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cute_lil_fluff/pseuds/cute_lil_fluff
Summary: “No, n- don't touch- don't touch me. Please- don't-" He pleads. He looks almost manic, backing away from Junhui as if petrified by the elder. Soonyoung and Minghao get to their feet, ready to intervene if they need to.





	i want to keep swimming

Chan's been on edge for about an hour now. He's been verging on hyperventilation, he hasn't been able to keep still for even a moment, and he's been crying - on and off - for at least half of that time. Minghao, Soonyoung, and Junhui have him in the performance unit bedroom. They tried to keep him in bed so that they could rub his back and play with his hair in some effort to calm him down, but he's so _restless_. He keeps on complaining that his skin's itching.

Currently, Minghao and Soonyoung are watching from the bed as Junhui paces alongside Chan, talking to him in a low voice and they walk the length of the room again and again. Although they're both primarily focused on Chan, they can't help but keep an eye on Junhui as well. Their anxiety is something that they have in common and they can bond over, and they love being able to help and support each other, but it's no joke that they can set each other off. There had been a notorious incident a few months ago when Chan had to be physically separated from helping Junhui through a panic attack because he had gotten so worked up himself.

“Let's go sit down, Channie-yah.” Junhui says, trying not to sound exasperated, hovering a hand over the small of Chan’s back. This is too close for the maknae, though, who instantly pulls himself away, shaking his head feverently.

“No, n- don't touch- don't touch me. Please- don't-" He pleads. He looks almost manic, backing away from Junhui as if petrified by the elder. Soonyoung and Minghao get to their feet, ready to intervene if they need to.

“Okay, that's okay. Don't worry, I won't touch you if you don't want me too.” Chan calms a little at that, but his breathing is really speeding up now. Junhui shoots a concerned look to the other two in the room, becoming kind of overwhelmed himself. He knows that he’s of no help to Channie when he's just as freaked out. Soonyoung steps in, gently nudging Junhui towards Minghao, who wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him in for a cuddle.

“Channie, listen to me. You're panicking, okay? We need to try and calm down a little.” Soonyoung tries, but Chan isn't really listening, if he can hear anything at all. Instead, he stumbles forward a little, pressing a hand to his chest.

He let's out a whine, high in the back of his throat, as he meets Soonyoung's eyes. He looks terrified. “I- I don't- I f-feel sick.” Chan manages to stutter out around choking breaths. Soonyoung approaches him carefully, one hand stretched out in front of him.

“Can I hold your hand?” Soonyoung asks - Chan nods and slots their palms together, both sweaty. “Let's go to the bathroom.” Soonyoung says, leading him down the hall, Minghao and Jun following. Soonyoung drops Chan's hand as soon as they get into the bathroom, aware of the younger’s increasingly loose grip.

Soonyoung expects Chan to kneel down in front of the loo, but he doesn't. He leans back against the cool, tiled wall, tilting his head back to blink up at the ceiling. He's still hyperventilating, and Junhui’s getting more and more concerned that he might pass out.

Soonyoung steps forward, palms open before him. “Chan, if you're gonna throw up-" He starts, but Chan cuts him off by whirling away from him, throwing his arms into the air with a broken cry. Soonyoung is immediately backing off, not wanting Chan to think he's going to go against his wishes and touch him. But then, Chan is bringing his arms back down again, his wrist catching on the corner of the counter with an almighty and sickening crack. Minghao and Junhui both gasp from the doorway - Minghao hiding his face in Junhui's neck, looking a bit pale. Soonyoung doesn't falter, though.

Now that Chan is putting himself in real danger, Soonyoung doesn't hesitate to pounce forward and wrap him up in his arms, effectively restraining him, pinning his arms to his sides. Chan wails, really not wanting to be held down, but Soonyoung can't just stand back as his baby hurts himself.

The thing is, he's never had to do this before. Sure, Chan has a tendency for getting destructive - sometimss self-destructive - during his panic attacks, mainly because his body gets all numb so he can't tell if he hurts himself. Nevertheless, up until now, he's never given himself more than a few bruises and a busted lip, and so Soonyoung's never had to completely restrain him. He feels bad, of course he does - Chan is pulling against him as he cries. Regardless, if he's got Chan's best interests at heart, this is what he needs to do. He knows that his Channie trusts him to do what's best.

Thankfully, Junhui and Minghao instantly understand what he's doing, knowing that he isn't purposefully acting against Chan's interests. That noise would spur anyone into action.

As per usual, Chan isn't particularly perturbed by bashing his wrist, but instead more focused on the black spots in his vision and the stickiness of his throat. He's fighting against Soonyoung's grip, probably feeling claustrophobic, like he's making it harder to breathe. However, Soonyoung holds him strong. If he lets go now, Chan is more than likely to hurt himself again. This room is so small and he's moving so forcefully -Soonyoung won't take that risk.

As Chan squirms in his hold, Minghao stands next to Soonyoung and guides him into sitting down on the floor, Chan nestled in the gap between his legs. Soonyoung keeps his grip on Chan as Jun and Minghao start trying to properly calm him down. Junhui cradles Chan's wrist in his hands, not wanting him to move it too much. Soonyoung and Minghao throw each other a concerned look - Junhui’s hands are shaking just as much as Chan's are.

“Channie, look at me. Look at me.” Junhui instructs, a gentle hand on Chan's jaw. The maknae’s teary eyes meet his. “There you go. Alright, I'm going to count to four, and I need you to take a deep breath, I'll count again and you need to hold it, another four and you let it out, okay? In for four, hold for four, out for four.” Chan just blinks up at him helplessly, but Jun can tell that he's listening.

When he starts counting, Chan doesn't catch on right away, still breathing far too fast for Junhui’s liking. But then, Minghao takes Chan's good hand to press it over his own chest, matching his own breaths to Jun's instruction as a guide for Channie.

Chan seems to catch on then, and Jun throws Minghao a grateful glance. The youngest gradually begins to calm down, until he's sinking back into Soonyoung's chest, tucking his head into the dip of Soonyoung's shoulder. “There you go, doll. That's it. That's better.” Soonyoung coos, lips dragging against the skin of Chan's temple as he speaks.

Junhui sits back on his heels and Minghao moves Chan's hand from his chest to lace their fingers together. “You're so good, Channie.” He mumbles, Jun humming in agreement.

Junhui lifts a trembling hand to Chan's forehead, brushing his fringe back from where it's stuck to the sweat on his forehead. His face is flushed red and his eyes are sleepy. Junhui always finds it difficult to see Chan like this - he's so young, he doesn't deserve to struggle simply to live his life. The members always joke that he acts like a mum to his dongsaengs and right now, he can't protest. He would do anything to free Chan from the restraints of his anxiety, even if it meant making his own twice as bad.

“We’ll be okay, yeah?” Jun mutters rhetorically, and Chan let's his eyelids slide shut, tilting his head to nose at the inside of Jun's wrist affectionately, a little bit like a kitten.

Once he knows that Chan's more stable, Jun redirects his attention to the boy's wrist, a dark-coloured bruise already blooming on the soft underside. Junhui brushes his thumb over it. “Can you move it?” Jun asks, as Soonyoung and Minghao eye him warily. Chan bends his wrist a little from side to side, face pinched in a wince.

“Yeah, it just really hurts.” His voice is shot. Junhui coos, letting Chan rest his poor arm on his knee, rubbing his palm over the back of Chan's hand gently.

“Okay. I don't think it's broken, then. I'll wrap it up tonight and we'll have a check in the morning, but it might be a hospital trip.” Chan groans at that, turning his head to hide his face in Soonyoung's neck. “I know. We'll think about that tomorrow, okay? Not now.” Chan let's out a shaky breath as he nods.

Minghao immediately gets up to fetch the first aid kit from the kitchen, passing it to Jun upon his return before sticking a flannel under the cold tap. As Junhui cuts a bandage up and wraps it, tight, around Chan's throbbing wrist, Minghao wipes the mixture of snot and tears from Chan's face, pressing a kiss to his temple once he's clean.

“There, all done.” Junhui says, sealing the bandage with a kiss. “How are you feeling, pumpkin?” He asks Chan, who blinks up at him, blankly, for a moment before answering.

“Tired.” He eventually responds, and he sounds it too. His eyes have gone all droopy in that adorable way they usually do when it's time for bed. Junhui can't help but coo a little, patting the side of his face fondly.

“How about we get you cuddled up in bed, then? You deserve a little attention.” Soonyoung mumbles against Chan's cheek, lips dragging over his flushed skin. Junhui grins a little at the sight - Chan and Soonyoung are adorable together. They've been attached at the hip since the pre-debut days, they're so similar and yet they don't clash in the slightest - Junhui has always marvelled at their relationship.

Before Minghao had been introduced to the members officially, Junhui had met with him to get him integrated more comfortably. Junhui had talked to him about the members quite a lot, and he distinctly remembers talking about Soonyoung and Chan, that they were essentially best friends within hours of meeting and they have never once properly argued - like they're in a never-ending state of honeymoon.

“Only a little?” Chan asks, a smirk growing on his face. Soonyoung digs his fingertips into the spaces between Chan's ribs until he squirms. Junhui subtly places two fingers on the back of Chan's poorly wrist, to remind him not to jostle it too much.

“Cheeky.” Soonyoung scolds, but fondly. Jun meets Minghao’s gaze, and it's obvious that they're both thinking the same thing - _I love them_.

“What are you lovebirds grinning about?” Soonyoung asks from where his chin is perched on Chan's shoulder - despite the excitement, he still looks about ready to drop. Jun strokes his thumbs over Chan’s bandaged wrist.

“Just how cute you two are.” He replies, grinning even more when Minghao mimics Chan and Soonyoung's position, his chin coming to rest by Jun’s collarbone. He nods, softly, in agreeance with Junhui. Minghao sneaks a hand beneath the neckline of Jun’s T-shirt, fingertips rubbing small circles into the skin of his chest - his soft touch is always able to calm Jun when he's worked up. This time, though, Junhui is surprised to find that he's feeling nowhere near as anxious as he usually does after Chan's panic attacks. _Huh_.

Chan grins lazily, Soonyoung grins ridiculously. “Come on, bed time.” Junhui announces, getting to his feet and yanking Minghao up behind him, who takes a moment to hug Junhui close, arms around his waist, subtly giving him the option to ask for some comfort and attention if he needs it. _I love him too_. Jun turns his head to press a kiss to Minghao’s cheek, as a thank you and a reassurance that he's okay.

Minghao and Junhui are careful to pull Chan up without hurting his wrist, which somehow ends up with Minghao’s face pressed into Chan's armpit. Chan whines “gross~” but Minghao makes a show of enjoying the way he smells. Soonyoung laughs hard enough to shake the building. If anything, hopefully it will serve as an indicator for the rest of the members to stand down, as they are more than likely huddled in the living room, ready to help out if they're needed. The performance unit had retired to their bedroom as soon as Chan had said that he wasn't feeling great. Despite them rest of the members being amazing and extraordinarily helpful, getting Chan on his own in their room is always a good idea when he's panicking. He's always the slightest bit more comfortable when it's just the four of them.

Junhui gets it though. Between the four of them, they've had numerous conversations about not feeling guilty for having anxiety, conversations they haven't had to the same extent with the rest of the group. To be disrupting their time, especially their down time at the dorm - which they don't get a lot of - always feels like making too much of a fuss. Even if they both rationally know that the others would never think of them like that.

It's the same for Hansol. When he's having an anxiety attack, he usually just wants Junhui and Chan with him, sometimes Minghao and Seungkwan.

They get back to their bedroom in a tangle of hands and arms, arranging themselves on one of the beds in a similar fashion. The bed is only a double, and so it can be a squeeze to get all four of them into it - they usually sleep in two pairs. However, with Chan sprawled across Soonyoung's chest and Minghao and Junhui pressed close on either side of them, they make it work. Minghao lets go of them for a moment to sit up and drag Chan's fluffy, purple blanket from the bottom of the bed, laying it over the four of them. It always makes him feel better.

“Junhui, are you alright?” Chan asks quietly when they're settled in. Junhui hooks a hand around the back of his head and nods. Thats just like Chan, to worry about Junhui when he's the one that needs doting on.

“Yeah, I thought- I was getting a little anxious, but I feel a lot better now. I always feel better when you're better.”

They lay in silence for a moment, getting comfy, before Soonyoung speaks up, his voice suddenly serious. “Channie-yah, I- I wanted to ask you something?” Chan hums in response, resting his chin on Soonyoung's chest in order to look up at him. “You know earlier, when I grabbed you, was that- was that okay? You know, because you were struggling against me but I just couldn't stand watching you hurt yourself and-”

Chan cuts him off with a chaste press of their lips. “Shh~” He murmurs. “It's alright. That's probably something we should talk about, though, right?” Minghao, Soonyoung, and Junhui all nod - Chan giggles because they look a little funny like that.

With a little bit of careful manoeuvring and a little bit of Junhui fussing over Chan’s wrist, Chan manages to prop himself up on Soonyoung's thighs, the other three leaning back against the headboard, watching him. He takes a pointedly deep breath before he starts.

“So, you three are already pretty great at knowing when I need physical comfort during an anxiety attack and when I need space, yeah? And that's perfect, honestly- like, you're perfect. But, I guess if I'm at risk of hurting myself or someone else, I totally give you permission to restrain me or pin me down or- whatever. I know I can cause some damage when I get going.” Chan motions towards his bandaged wrist.

“But what if you don't want to be held down?” Jun asks, tilting his head a little to rest on Soonyoung's shoulder.

Chan sighs. “If I'm that far in, I'm probably not gonna want to be touched at all. But- you know, if I'm gonna hurt someone. You should do it, you know. I'm telling you now that you can, no matter how much I scream and cry.” Chan let's his gaze shift between the three of them. Junhui looks worried but understanding - Chan laces a hand in his hair to comfort him - Soonyoung looks completely in agreeance, obviously still scarred by the sound of Chan's wrist cracking against the counter, but Minghao looks a little horrified.

“I can already tell I'm gonna struggle with this.” He says, and Chan smiles down at him. He leans forward to lay against Minghao’s chest, humming happily when the elder wraps his arms around him.

“I love you so much.” Minghao returns the sentiment. “And I trust you. I trust you to do what's best for me, because you always do.” Minghao nods, sealing the deal with a kiss to the spot behind Chan's ear.

“We'll try our best, Channie.” Junhui says, Soonyoung humming in agreement. “We just want you to be okay.” Chan nods contentedly as he switches back to laying on Soonyoung's chest, tucking his face into the dip of his throat. Minghao lays his palm over Chan’s back, running up and down his spine, whilst Junhui combs his fingers through Chan's hair.

“We’ll always look after you.” Soonyoung mumbles against Chan's forehead. Chan smiles and presses his lips to the his Adam’s Apple.

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this all on my phone whilst on holiday with no internet and posted it using free wifi in a pub so it's super short and probably really bad and i bet there's so many mistakes but oh well
> 
> also, there seems to be a lot of hiding faces in body parts and about ten million kisses so oops (nevermind - these boys deserve ten million kisses)
> 
> thanks for reading!
> 
> [my tumblr](https://hattieie.tumblr.com)


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